6 Special Secrets of Bonding with Someone You Just Met

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Rudolph Nureyev

When I was a teenager in London, I saw the famous dancer Rudolph Nureyev in Swan Lake with his legendary partner, Margot Fonteyn.

After the show I stood outside the stage door in awe. Finally this slight, red-haired Russian guy emerged. It was him!

In my rush to bond with him, his brilliance, and the magic he had just made…

I stepped on his foot.


His feet were probably insured at Sotheby’s for $5 Million each.+*

He gave me a wild, startled look and hurried off.

This article is dedicated to all of you who’ve blown it once or twice when you meet a V.I.P.  Or even just a friendly stranger.  It’s all about knowing the SIX Special Secrets as to how to bond with anyone you’ve just met.


1.   Magic Trick:  To closely bond someone to you and get them on your side, learn to tell them jokes in the cadence and rhythm and timing THEY like.

As you talk, ask them about their favorite joke.  A little later, tell them your favorite joke in their style.

They will have no idea why they like you so much.

2. When it’s interpersonal, use a “motivation towards” rather than a “motivation away.”

“Motivation away” is all those internet sales letters that tell you about how much pain you have.

3. “Motivation towards” is based on jokes, education, and permission.

  • Tell jokes in their style.
  • Ask them for education.  Say:
    “From my perspective this is what I bring to the table.  I want to find out from your perspective if this is equally viable…”
    If they say “No,” follow up with “Could you suggest anybody?”
  • Ask for permission.  “Could I ask you…” Or, “If you can reply to this email, I will get back to you immediately…”


4.  Only after you have created relationship, tell someone you’re not doing something, then do it.

“I’m not putting this on you, but do you think this is a good idea?”

5.   Watch body language for a response: nostril flare, dilated pupils, carotid arteries, skin flush, how they’re leaning, head nods, sudden stillness – these indicate real interest.

6.    Show your warts.  They’re a great way to build relationship.

These are advanced interpersonal skills that anyone can use to create a solid relationship in ten minutes.  And these special secrets aren’t as hard to use as you might think!

Want to try one and let me know?

If you want to see just how powerful the mind can be, watch Derren Brown on You Tube.  He is one of the greatest NLP and Waking Hypnosis masters in the world.


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